While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize