I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
