im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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