um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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