And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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