god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
