am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
