so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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