What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
