the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize