I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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