I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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