Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
