I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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