I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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