You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
