Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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