Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
