i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
