And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
