If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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