Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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