The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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