Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
