apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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