I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
