grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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