I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you had me at cake vodka
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
