Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
