I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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