He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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