Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
