everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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