I love black thongs
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This house was built for laser tag.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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