She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
