yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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