If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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