According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
