Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
