i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
