My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
