things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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