I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
