She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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