Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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