before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
