I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
