WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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