he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
