And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
