You work out of a Hotel?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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