hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
