3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
