Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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