I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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