that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
