I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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