You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
