So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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