i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize