WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
