Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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