I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
