Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
