I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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