nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
