uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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