I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
