Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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