drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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