Best friends brother. Beat that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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