When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
