Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
FUCK WHALES
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