I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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